I wish it were something more profound and epic but that is the difference between fantasy and reality.
Why am I not writing? Technically I am.
This journal is one of the things I've focused on in 2014. It just has taken me some time to collect my thoughts and channel my emotions in a constructive, healthy manner.
I still do not think I am in the clear for the things that are truly bothering me. I cannot give a time frame for my feelings.
I still owe stories.
I will get to them. I am ashamed of myself for how many times I have said that,but I will. To do this I am going to have to make choices that I do not like. This will mean letting certain things go . . . and I hope and pray that when I'm done that I will be welcomed back with open arms.
If not . . . then let me just say I apologize for letting anyone down. I'm striving to be better. For me to do that, I need to stop strolling the road I'm on, and change direction. The path ahead has been toxic for far to long and *I* allowed people to rob me of my passion and joy by taking their negatives and give them my hope until there was nothing left for me to hold onto. The fault is mine, no one else's.
My faith has been shaken, but it's not dead, if it was . . I would be dead too.
Xull'rae is around somewhere. And I still want to write her. I just have to find ME first, because nobody else will.
So on the topic of me, whether you are a watcher because of my character Xull'rae, an admirer of whatever talent you think I have, or you are simply a friend, what about me impacts you?
I'm not phishing for compliments, but for far too long I've enclosed myself to a corner and I would like to branch out once more and let my curiosity run rampart. I've not been myself, or maybe I'm too hard on myself? I'm confused and held onto to my pain and other's too long.
Maybe it's too late? Perhaps I had shut those doors when I meant to leave them cracked?
I've been silent far too long. Now I hope comes the healing. I expect I've done a lot of damage and for that I am sorry.
So who will answer me?
and who will forgive me?
Strangers? Can we be friends?